Blood Sport: Virus Alert

“I had a dream I stood beneath an orange sky.” Skoodge of Irk admitted, the rather tubby little insectoid invader sipping from a deep blue can with his assembled fellow Irkens at an open air diner. The purple-eyed female of the group, Tak, was sitting next to a pink-eyed female as they passed around the blue energy drink cans to their friends, who looked the drinks over in their black-gloved hands, eyes wide with interest.

“You have GOT to stop cruising the black market, Skoodge.” Invader Zee insisted, her vaguely Southern Belle-esque voice oddly charming as she took a large swig from the deep blue energy drink. “Aw, who am I kidding? By Tallest Grapa’s pain, I can’t get enough of what they put up for sale.”

“Like this “Puzzi” energy drink?” Zim inquired, raising a nonexistent eyebrow up as he sniffed at the blue can, antennae twitching slightly. He hoped GIR wasn’t somehow wrecking the base back on Earth. He’d left Minimoose behind to make sure GIR didn’t try anything, but…still… “Do you really have to hide this in your pants to smuggle it on to the planet? I mean, it’s kind of sticky.”

“It’s worth it, TRUST me.” Tak insisted with a vigorous nod, Invader Skutch scratching his head and sighing a bit, his lanky arms holding the Puzi energy drink up as he looked it over.

“This is a first for me, because I’ve never had Puzzi. I’m over 150, you’d think I woulda had Puzzi at some point.” Skutch admitted to the others.

“Remember, it’s “All Natural”.” Tak added as she pointed at the can. “So don’t complain if you find a hair in your Puzzi. Now, of course, when I open up my Puzzi, I like to use two hands.” She admitted, popping the can open as Zee did the same, sniffing it.

“Kinda reminds me of cherry pop.” She informed Tak as Skutch took a swig of the drink.

“Bit salty, but very nice!”

“C’mon, CHUG it.” Skoodge insisted with a laugh, waving the drink around in the air, hiccupping slightly as Zim shook his head back and forth.

“No, no, if Zim tried to taste all this Puzzi in one go, his jaw would be most tired.” Zim said with a sigh as Skoodge patted him on the shoulder.

“And you probably couldn’t handle it, either.”

“Maybe Puzzi’s just not for me.” Zim mournfully murmured as Tak held up something else she’d been carrying around with her, a light blue can which she passed to Zim as he looked IT over. “Oh. “Bahlz”?”

“Yes, Blue Bahlz. I’d recommend two at a time, but you know, every Irken has to try Puzzi at least once.” Tak told Zim as he sipped from the Bahlz, smacking his lips a bit and swirling the taste around in his mouth.

“This might just be a phase Zim is going through.” Zim wondered as he held his head, groaning a bit before passing out unconscious, Tak grinning darkly as she held up a small pack of roofies, putting them on the table and rubbing her gloved hands together.

“At long last I can have my revenge.” She chuckled evilly, getting out some metal rope and tying Zim to a chair as she readied a neutralizer to put on his PAK so only his life support systems would work. “Next stop, Planet Dirt! See how YOU like fifty years of sweeping up garb-”

And THEN…the world exploded around them.

…

…

…

…Conventia. The Convention Planet.

…by IRK, our race is unimaginative.

Five minutes ago, the Exemplar Corps responded to reports of a massive invasion. The idiots hadn’t the slightest clue what was actually waiting for them. Operation Overload is now under way, Commander Fez.

War Machine currently tracking the Orange Agent on optimum return trajectory through the obstacle course we prepared in the southern section of the city. Even now Captain Alita is detonating shrapnel mines to deal with her.

“OH YOU CRAZY BITCH!”

I believe the Earth term for this is “Turkey shoot”.

VIRUS ALERT!

It was, to put it bluntly, CHAOS in Conventia. The Agent Orange was desperately hopping around the blown-open chunks of Main Street, trying to avoid rapidly-detonating mines that Slipstream had hidden away, whilst the Indigo Rose was being tossed around like a limp doll through the air from a well-placed missile barrage shot at him from War Machine One, loud CHUKKA-THOOMS echoing through the air with each rocket that shot forth. Tidal Titan had grabbed hold of the Red Helm and was slamming her into store after store, knocking down a knickknack depository and then tossing her into the window of a soda store.

“Tallest’s Grapa’s Pain, what’s going on?!” Skoodge screamed out, he and his friends barreling away from the exploding environment around them as Zim woke up, realizing he had been blown onto his side. He growled angrily, hopping about, trying to get up from the chair before another nearby store exploded and sent him flying into a pole, which he slid down, moaning all the way.

“Why must this beeeeee?” He sobbed. “Why does everything want to hurt Zim today?”

THRAKKA-BOOM! The Sapphire Rose held up his ringed fist, focusing as best he could, vomit covering his lower face and a good deal of his clothing, having been punched in the stomach over and over by Tidal Titan before he’d turned his attention to the Red Helm. Meanwhile, the Yellow Agent, Xeil, was struggling along with Feyr, helping the Sapphire Rose with forming a construct shield around her and he, High Note unleashing powerful shockwaves down at them, making the street around them crack and shatter into chunks.

“C-Can’t…k-keep…conscious…” Feyr gasped out. “Can’t…feel…lips…think I just vomited out my dinner from last night!”

“How’s THIS for a “Scorched Irk” policy?!” War Machine roared out as the Indigo Rose managed to dive out of the way as the liquidy blast from a horrific flame thrower melted down the street pole just to his right.

“I can’t believe you’re firing on us! We’re SUPERHEROES! You’re supposed to be on OUR side!” Maht yelled back, growling angrily, wiping some dark green blood from his mouth as he clenched his fists, rising up in the air on purplish/black wings, a large lance forming in each hand as he shot forward, War Machine holding up a gloved hand as an electrified shield erected around himself. Feyr managed to stop himself before he accidentally became electrocuted, Slipstream looking momentarily pained as Agent Orange looked accusingly up at her.

“This is a direct order from the Tallest.” Fez remarked as he sat in his special chair, adjusting the sight on it as he cracked his knuckles, the communicator on his wrist beeping a bit as the grunt troops that War Machine had called upon to act as backup for them fired at the Exemplar Corps, the Yellow Agent barreling down the street in a construct manifestation that resembled a gigantic dog whilst the Sapphire Rose took off through the air on sleek pink/white wings.

“Sir, we’re firing on the SAPPHIRE ROSE, sir. He’s been an angel to the Irken military, sir! Some of us are really VERY against this!” One of the lieutenants informed Fez.

“Angel, huh? He’s got mortal flesh. That makes ‘im fallen, so you tell those boys to buckle up their Bible belt and ignore those silly Earthen ideas about “good Lords”. I’m the goodest lord you’ll ever HAVE!” Fez remarked, rolling his eyes.

“BY TALLEST SPLOR’S SAGGY BALLS!” Feyr screeched out as he tore through the air, missiles streaking after him as Agent Orange flattened herself against the road to avoid one slamming into her. She took notice of Zim across from the road, sighing as she yanked it up and raced off.

“C’mon, we’ve got to get you out, Zim.” She said as Zim glared up at her.

“This is somehow all your fault.” He growled out as she rolled her eyes.

“You’re welcome.

“Sir, we think you’ve gone mad with power!” A sergeant yelled out into his communicator as Fez adjusted his control console of his special chair, leaning back in it and rolling his eyes.

“Oh, WHAT? You think that I have a god complex? I AM GOD.” Fez said with a growl, some greenish fire momentarily lighting up in his eyes as he shifted the goggles atop his dark green head to cover said eyes, reaching for a lever attached to his “special chair”. You see, the chair was atop of an ENORMOUS gun mechanism who’s barrel was twisted up and around to fire right on said chair. All he had to do was pull the trigger and-

“Wait a minute, what am I thinking?” Fez remarked, slapping his forehead as he turned the chair around, reaching for the lever again so the barrel was now pointed more at his HEAD than his stomach and lower body. “Good gracious. That woulda hurt like a bitch!”

Meanwhile, Feyr had hoisted Skoodge and Tak up onto his back and was grunting a bit, the psychic consular trying to hold off on using his powers as he lugged the barely-conscious Invaders over to the subway system entrance, others hiding far below the city in an attempt to get away from the violence. He handed the two to Zee as she helped Tak down, Skoodge groaning a bit as Feyr helped HIM down. “What…what’s going on?”

“Someone’s trying to kill us. We can’t risk allowing any of you to be hurt because of that.” Feyr insisted gently. “We will do everything we can to protect you. You have my word as a gentleman.”

“Why…the PINK?” Skoodge found himself asking.

“We of the Sapphire stand for love. And we love our race endlessly. Even…” He hesitated, then sighed as he made his way to the front of the entrance of the subway system. “Even they, despite what they’re doing.”

“Love for them, any kind of pity for them, is wasted.” Tak managed to growl out. “They won’t show you any mercy.”

“Well, as the saying goes…Love HURTS..” The Sapphire Rose said calmly, racing out of the subway entrance, Tak rubbing the back of her neck, looking after him in confusion. How strange…

Elsewhere, Dite the Red Helm was helping Maht the Indigo Rose get up, the female Elite irken seeing the blood that caked the poor superpowered service drone’s face. “Are you alright? I haven’t seen you take a beating like that since four years ago at the New Year’s Party when you spilled the Tallest’s drinks all over them.”

“It helped that I began laughing uncontrollably. A fact I sincerely regret to this day.” Maht murmured before they stopped, something flickering on the corner of their vision. “Wait a minute, what did I just-”

“Slipstream of the Elite-4. I’m hiding in the flatland of the SECOND dimension.” Slipstream said, her form smooth and sleek, almost like paper before she suddenly BULGED with power, a strange light surrounding her body like a gigantic mascot suit, shooting her fist at Dite as Maht swiftly pushed her out of the way to keep her from getting struck. “And here’s how I fold up through the third dimension to draw on the energy of the fourth!”

K-K-K-K-K-O!

Maht went flying, rendered unconscious as his body went sailing through store after store, candy shops, souvenir shacks and waffle huts CRUMBLING as his body tumbled through every single one, finally coming to a terrible halt as he slammed into a photo hut, which insultingly snapped a picture of his unconscious, bloody form as he let out a quiet moan.

“Ooogh…” Feyr groaned, he and Agent Orange hiding behind a communication tower, panting and heaving, Agent Orange rubbing her booted feet, the tiara on her head cracked and chipped like most of her armor as Feyr gently stroked her shoulders, the thieving guard gritting her teeth. “Are you alright? I feel like a trog that’s been violated by a Megadoomer.”

“I had to race ZIM out of the city and I think I ripped my tendon muscles in my feet. It could take hours to heal, and these military mothers, I mean…we walked right into it!” Agent Orange muttered, Peech rubbing her head. “And my tiara…ohhh, I just created a really nice-looking one that really makes my forehead look extra-kissworthy.”

“That sort of thing actually works?” Feyr asked, suddenly stiffening as he noticed what was seeping around them from a nearby SEWER GRATING. “Water?!” He gasped out. “AGH! It’s Titus!”

“He’s bigger than he looks on T-” Peech managed to gasp out as Tidal Titan swelled up around her, launching Feyr away with a backhanded blow. Feyr growled out, jumping back up as his pink ring glittered brightly, gigantic snake constructs wrapping around his arm and shooting forward to rip through Tidal Titan’s watery body. Unfortunately, this time Tidal Titan unleashed BOTH arms at him, darkly growling at the psychic interrogator.

“FORGET it.” Titus snapped as both arms ensnared the consular, the snake constructs dissipating as Titus tightened his grip, Peech struggling desperately to not drown inside Tidal Titan’s watery body. “My entire form is composed of “smart liquid”. I’ve complete and absolute control over my entire molecular structure, wonder boy. I can become like ice…like glue…even a HIGH PRESSURE HOSE!” He roared out, launching Feyr clear through the air and into a billboard, the psychic sliding uselessly down it past a leering, grinning Fez’s face as Tidal Titan patted his belly, Peech trying to get free.

“LEMM AUHD!” She yelled out from inside his liquidy frame.

“Don’t bother trying to use your Avarice-fueled construct energy to speed your body up. You’ll BOIL if you try that.” He smirked a bit, seeing her horrified expression. “Yes, we know ALL about that, thief, and how many places you’ve robbed. We know you just LOVE to give half your “collections” back to those human skaatel for all the nice things you like to wear.”

“OO’ INSAHN!” She gasped, squirming about within his watery body as he folded his arms across his chest, sighing a bit.

“You should be grateful. I’m giving you a nicer end than you deserve for consorting with those humans. Drowning’s the best way to go. Take it from somebody who had to drown plenty of Vortians in my platoon, they never felt a-” He insisted.

Or at least, he WOULD have, had he not been interrupted as Feyr shot forward into his body like a diver slamming into a pool, the Sapphire Rose having launched himself from a cannon construct he’d formed of pure Love energy, a pink glow rising off of him as he helped Peech up.

“I have liquid in places that do not EXIST!” She cried out, wiping herself off as Feyr whipped around, seeing Tidal Titan beginning to reform into something entirely differently…tiny little dots? No, Feyr knew what THIS was from his studies of Earth.

“What, don’t like rain? I find it DELICIOUS!” Titus laughed out as Feyr and Peech covered their heads, Peech’s ring glowing as she darkly growled out, Avarice rising off of her.

“IDIOT!” She hissed out as the rain began to condense around them in a thick cloud. “Did you think I could only speed MYSELF up with this power?” She roared. “Let’s see how you your molecules being super-accelerated into STEAM!” She proclaimed, launching herself and Feyr away as Titus seemed to EXPLODE in a cloudy burst, being thrown back in a misty haze as Peech panted heavily, grinning with a triumphant smirk. “Mess with the best, go down like the rest!”

“I am overloading your PAK with broadcasts on every single wavelength of the electromagnetic spectrum.” War Machine explained to Maht as he tugged the purple-clothed Irken’s head up by his antennae, tightening his grip on them in his gauntleted hand, aiming his left one at Maht’s head. “You betrayed your Tallest and betrayed your planet, Indigo Rose. Forgive me for what I must now do.” He explained, the gauntlet whining slightly as it readied a missile aimed right at the rather short Irken’s skull.

“I…never b-betrayed…anybody. I love…my people more than you could imagine. And something…is WRONG…with your BOSS!” Maht growled back, one hand grabbing hold of the large light purple pearl necklace around his neck, War Machine blinking in surprise as he pressed it.

PSSSHHHH!

KA-KWUUUMM!! A specialized forcefield surrounded Maht, throwing War Machine clear through the air and slamming him into one a previously-untouched Cold Stone Creamery, Maht gasping as the Xeil, Dite, Feyr and Peech approached him. “Why in the holy heck are the Elite-4 attacking us?!” Xeil demanded to know. “I’M actually afraid! ME!”

“…I…don’t know…” Maht murmured.

…

…

…

… “You sure it’s a good idea for us to be poking around the most top secret region of an already top secret military installation when we’re not even to get within 100 feet of it?” Jayd asked of Senior, the black-eyed medic looking his boss over as the green-eyed Senior communications officer of the Massive, still currently on loan to Fez of Blood Sport, typed away into a pop-up control console on a nearby wall before tugging on a lever.

“This part of the space station goes from a bulk teleportal that Fez almost never uses to a waypoint between dimensions that gives four random Irkens special powers?” Senior asked back at Jayd as Jayd folded his arms across the big red cross on his chest, sighing as his spiky antennae hung over his head. “It’s starting to sound like a bad comic book plot! And you would know, you’ve been smuggling them to work every day for the past 52 years!”

Jayd slapped his hand against his face, tugging it down. “Senior, your benefactor patron is the Entity of Life, a living Sun. I have nanogenes running through my PAK instead of normal machinery which can heal any wound. There is a Shadowhog who owes you a favor for keeping a gigantic evil Santa monster from eating him, and we have rings which allow us to tap into the Emotional Spectrum, granting us the ability to manipulate energy into whatever our imagination desires. Nothing should surprise us anymore!”

“…WELL…” Senior murmured.

“Look! If Red and Purple called us up and said a fish in a BEAR SUIT was swimming after the Massive, we’d have to choke that down and say “Okay, be right there”!” Jayd insisted.

“Look, I’ll just tell you what I told the others. Fez was lying through his zipper-toothed teeth!.” Senior said with a calm nod. “I called in a favor, I’ve got some friends coming here to the station in an hour in case thing’s go south.” He added, the doorway before them sliding open as they took notice of a single guard with a shoulder-mounted flamethrower at the far end of the hall, back turned to them as he stood in front of a stairway leading down deep, deep into the recesses of Blood Sport’s space station that flew high above the planet Nahara. “…hmm. We need him simply knocked out-” He whispered to the medic, the black-eyed Irken nodding as he stepped forward.

“I can do this.” Jayd said softly as he held up his gloved hand, the ring hidden beneath it glowing as a faint green light covered his body, his form shifting and changing as he became a green-clothed Fez, Jayd chuckling a bit as he rubbed his body all over, looking at his reflection in the shiny silver walls around him. “Wow. He is SKINNY. Too bad he’s nuttier than peanut brittle.” He muttered as he made towards the guard, who turned to see “Fez” walking towards him.

“Sir, what’re you doing h-hey, why are you all-”

“We’re testing a new top secret X-Files Black Ops Microwave Mind Control Weapon, Soldier! YOU GOT THAT, SECOND LIEUTENANT AFLAK?” Jayd roared out, wagging an accusatory clawed digit in the soldier’s face as Senior hid behind the control console to the side of the doorway, his own ring shining faintly as he formed a tiny little round thing that carefully trotted towards the two at the end of the hallway.

“Er…uh…” The guard stammered, not noticing the little white thing moving towards him and “Fez”.

“For at least half an hour, it’ll make you see everybody’s uniform in bright secondary colors, private! So freakin’ help me if you ain’t seein’ my uniform in bright secondary colors, then YOU ARE A SISSY LITTLE TRAITOR IN BED WITH THOSE FILTHY MEEKROB “LIGHTIES” WHO AIN’T GOT A FUTURE IN THIS MAN’S ARMY, SOLDIER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!

“Uh, SIR, YES, SIR!” The guard proclaimed, saluting on the spot.

“NOW WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME, YA SISSY-MAN!” Jayd proclaimed dramatically, holding his fist up into the air as the solider enthusiastically nodded his head.

“BRIGHT SECONDARY COLORS, SIR-and a little white bird?” The soldier mumbled nervously, looking down and to the side at the duck made of pure Life construct energy which was staring sinisterly up at him.

“AFLAK!”

It immediately leapt on him and began pecking him into submission as Jayd lowered his ringed fist, the disguise fading as Senior stepped into the hallway and walked over to him, Jayd holding his face and shaking his head back and forth. “Poor kid. I’ll make it up to him tomorrow and give him a lollipop with his check-up. He’ll appreciate it.” He admitted, taking notice of Senior’s unbelievably large grin. “What’s so funny?”

“The set-up was just PERFECT.” Senior said with a slight giggle as he and Jayd made their way down the stairs. “How many times do you get to use that joke? Oh, too bad Nar’s not here, he LOVES that cheesy stuff.” He chuckled out, the two heading towards a steely door at the bottom of the stairs, pushing it open…

“HOLY!” Senior screamed out, stepping back.

Fez. Was in CHUNKS. His body had been blown clear off the chair he’d been sitting in, the enormous gun device’s barrel smoking, the chunks of bone and meat hot and steaming as Senior nervously approached the man’s shot-off head, looking down at it and gaping in surprise.

“…he’s…really?” Jayd muttered.

“He’s not only merely dead, he’s really most SINCERELY dead!” Senior proclaimed as he looked around the mass teleportal room they were in, Jayd scanning Fez’s body with his gauntleted hand, the Nanogenes swelling out from his PAK and covering the remains as Jayd’s black eyes glistened. “But look at all of this…” The White Rose murmured as he passed his hand through the air, his antennae twitching. “This place wasn’t doused in dimensional energy. It’s HYPERTIME. Fez wasn’t half as dumb as I thought he was.  Those four were doused in Hypertime energy. Exposed to multiple realities. New POTENTIAL was unlocked in them.”

“So in some alternate dimension, each of them got a special power, and when hypertime splattered all over them…” Jayd mumbled.

“They GOT those powers. But they were never meant to have them in THIS dimension.” Senior went on, shaking his head back and forth. “Not in this time and place, unlike OUR powers, the way you’ve become the pure embodiment of Will, just as I became the living ideal of Life. We were meant to have those gifts, our bodies can TAKE it, but…if they had gifts of Hypertime just randomly given to them…”

“What would happen to them?” Jayd asked as he stood up, a concerned expression on the medic’s face as Senior folded his arms before his chest, flinching as he shook his head slightly.

“They’ll be dead in weeks.” Senior spoke softly before Jayd took in a deep breath.

“Sir…Fez’s body. I scanned it. It isn’t…normal.”

“I suppose not.” Fez’s voice rang out as they turned to see a doorway slid open, revealing Fez standing in absolute darkness as he slowly moved towards them, taking careful, deliberate steps, a large, terrifying grin on his face, eyes dancing with dark light. “What is “normal” anyway for us? Lacking emotions? Well that can’t be right. The Tallest show gluttony, hubris, greed, cruelty. Being organic? Well, we’re all essentially organic husks, our real “selves” are little metal backpacks. Being the best in the galaxy? Even THAT’S being challenged. What is normal worth? No. You need to be above. You need to be extraordinary. And I’ve taken that step.”

“…yes. Quite a nice new body. Or perhaps I should say…a nice new MODEL? Fez 2.0?” Senior asked accusingly as Fez giggled a bit, holding a gloved hand over his mouth, Jayd surprised at how SHARP the teeth seemed to be…

Meanwhile, the Elite 4 were speaking with each other in a nearby makeshift military installation their grunts had made for them. War Machine was sitting, slumped down on a chair as his head hung low and he chewed his lip, Slipstream kneeling by him as she put a surprisingly tender hand on his armored shoulder. The tiny diamonds on her antennae sparkled softly as she caressed his helmeted head with her other hand, looking mournfully past the cycloptic eye. “Come on, Lorne. This is wrong. The Exemplar Corps have been getting people out of the line of fire, why are we leveling Conventia and endangering Irken citizens?”

“Orders, Alita. By the Tallest’s hand, we do their every command.” War Machine murmured. “Why are you questioning them?”

“When did you EVER obey an order you couldn’t honestly believe in, Lorne? I know you-” Slipstream began to say as Lorne reeled back.

“You don’t know SQUAT about me anymore! How many times do I have to tell you what was done to me?! Look at me, Alita! LOOK!” He screamed, ripping the helmet off…revealing nothingness beneath. Every bit of his body was utterly invisible. “At least you LOOK normal! All I am is this suit!......the War Machine…” He whispered out.

“Alita.” Titus said softly, resting a gigantic hand on her own shoulder, his watery face mournful and pained. “We’ve no choice. The Tallest’s word is law.”

“I know. I know.” Alita spoke softly, bowing her own head and nodding slowly. “Let’s end it, then.”

“Who’s NOT dead? Sound off!” Dite yelled out inside of the subway she and the others were hiding in, the people they’d escorted to safety far off to the right, a good enough distance away as the others rubbed their heads and bodies, moaning and groaning in pain. “I’ve got something of a concussion myself! And my lack of ears are RINGING!” She admitted, rubbing her head.

“I’m mostly healed.” Feyr said as Xeil looked over her cape, which was slightly burning as she put out the small fire atop her shoulder, growling a bit as Feyr turned to the “Indigo Rose”. “And you, Maht?”

“I was worried all of you were in serious danger. I’m small and almost unnoticeable.” Maht admitted with a shrug, flinching as he did so. “Think my shoulder’s out, but I’ll be alright in a few, really.” He said with a nod of his head.

“I almost had a rocket shoved up my hiney.” Agent Orange growled out, clenching her clawed fists tightly. “Those men are MINE!”

“Calm down, everyone.” Xeil said softly, all of them looking over at the yellow-clad communication officer’s caped form as she took off the almost skull-like black helm from off her head, biting her lip as she hesitated for a moment. “My helmet scanned their bodies. I took a look at their molecular structure. Their central nervous systems are being overloaded. If we just hold out long enough-”

“NO!” Maht insisted swiftly, shaking his head back and forth and waving his arms around. “No, no, NO! They’re victims of Fez, HE put them up to this! We have to help them!”

“We need to contact Senior and Jayd. Get them to shut him down.” Dite informed Maht, holding up a black-gauntleted hand in the air as she typed into the wrist-mounted communicator built into her gauntlet. “…hello? Jayd? You and Senior alr-?”

“BIIIT of a problem.” Jayd chuckled nervously on the other end, a faint bit of panic in his voice. “Kind of like how the Joker is a LITTLE bit insane…”

“Imagine it, Senior. The transference of my consciousness into a purely synthetic form. One that’s immortal. Invulnerable. UNBEATABLE.” Fez laughed out as lines began to spread from his eyes to the side of his head, running down from his lips to the bottom of his mouth. His eyes became a steady stream of ones and zeroes, a digitized edge to every syllable that came from his fanged maw. “My Elite will kill your friends. And then they’ll die too, their work complete. And this entire base will be more than just mine. It will be ME. Picture it, Senior; a floating war station, capable of making a planet SHATTER, commanded by a purely viral mind that can transfer into any nearby machine within a hundred miles.”

“We’re taking you off the air.” Senior promised, gritting his teeth and pointing accusingly as Fez began to rise in the air, mechanical tentacles propelling from his back, jamming into the room as Jayd and Senior stepped back in horror.

“This isn’t some half-baked villain scheme. This is a carefully-planned military operation.” Fez insisted.  “And if you think you can stop me, well…I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!”

Senior held up his ringed fist, an array of cannons, guns, pistols and blasters forming into the air around him as he fired on Fez’s body, striking him again and again as Fez began to GROW in size, now becoming a herculean Irken specimen that towered tall above them. “Aw, DANG!” The Senior Communications Officer of the Massive groaned out as Jayd shot forward to try and knock Fez from behind.

“Let him go right now, you horrible villain-”

“Again. INVULNERABLE. Did you not hear my spiel the first time?” Fez asked as he wheeled on Jayd and grabbed hold of his head, yanking him up. “I’M GONNA COMMERICAL BREAK YOU IN HALF!”

“Hands off.” Senior yelled out, launching something from a belt pouch, a grenade shooting forward and slamming into Fez’s enormous arm, blowing it right off into meaty chunks near the shoulder  as Jayd plopped to the ground, heaving a bit as he scrambled to his feet.

“We’re pulling the plug on you.” The medic insisted as he and Senior stood together, Fez chuckling as he held up his stump of a shoulder, a loud, liquidy “SQUGGGHH” noise filling the air as the wound began to heal before their eyes, a brand new arm regrowing. “

“Genetic synthetic tissue of the highest caliber, all created from the station. Regenerative on a macro time scale. A medic like you should be able to appreciate this, Mr. Jayd.” Fez chuckled as he showed off his new arm. “I can survive any attack. Regrow any limb. Feel no pain. So…I suggest you start RUNNING.”

…

…

…

… “The streets are all clear?” High Note inquired, her cloaked body sweeping forth along the streets with the assembled grunts she and the rest of the Elite 4 had been given, her teammates walking behind her as she looked over at the second lieutenant she was speaking to.

“Yes. There’s massive property damage but luckily no civilian casualties, evidently. We’ve sustained minor damages to our fighting force, but al that’s left is to sweep the streets for stray Exemplar Corps members.” The second lieutenant said as High Note’s sweeping cloak seemed to coalesce around her, intriguing thoughts rising up as she saw something in the distance at the end of the street.

“Wait a tick. Look.” She called out, all of them halting as they saw who was standing at the end of the street. It was the Indigo Rose staring back at them, arms folded across his chest, antennae hanging low as Maht called out.

“Tell your men to please, just listen. All of you know who I am. I don’t know what you’ve been told, but we’re not your enemy, and you’re obeying the orders of a very sick Irken.” He insisted.

“Take aim!” The second lieutenant proclaimed, High Note flinching visibly.

“Let me just speak for a moment, please.” Maht insisted.

“Fire at will!”

BRAKKA-BRAKKA-BRAKKA-BRAKKA, high-powered shell after high powered shell blasted at Maht as his ring erected a shimmering light purple aura around him and he sighed, hanging his head and calmly waiting as the soldiers kept emptying their clips before slowly but surely less and less of them began to fire.

“This is ridiculous, he’s not even fighting back!”

“We can’t DO this.”

“We can’t shoot a freakin’ SUPERHERO, these guys are the only people on Irk that actually give a flying florp about us.”

“What next, second lieutenant? Want us to stick some smeets in a gas chamber?”

“Yeah, f—k you.”

“I had a feeling you might do this.” High Note admitted. “We’re sorry for this, Indigo Rose. More so than you can imagine.”

“Especially since she’s just distracting you from looking at me.” Maht heard War Machine speak, the service drone looking slightly behind himself to see that Fez’s highest-ranking member of his elite supertroopers was pointing a sizzling, burning rocket-shaped bullet from his gauntleted glove right at his head.

“Am I to take it Mr. Lorne that you have saved your best for last?” Maht quietly inquired, sighing a bit. “Go on. Tell me what you’re pointing at me.”

“This…is a tactical atomic bullet. The weapon is clean. Microscopic. It’ll devastate about a five foot radius without leaving radiation. A marvel of modern engineering.”

“I imagine that would most likely obliterate me. But you should know that your commanding officer Fez is currently on board the space station above the Planet Nahara, trying to kill MY commanding officer and my best friend. He’s ordered you to lay waste to Conventia just to get at US. You must see how irrational he is. Worse still, we scanned your bodies. You were doused in HYPERTIME, weren’t you?”

War Machine stiffened.

“…it’s toxic. The powers you have are slowly killing all four of you. You weren’t meant to have them and now you’re paying the price.” Maht sighed.

“You’re LYING!” Titus yelled out. “You-you gotta be…”

“No. I can read his body language. He’s telling the truth.” High Note spoke quietly. “…I had a feeling something wasn’t quite right with all this.”

“So you can either believe the ENTIRE Exemplar Corps have gone rouge…or you can believe that your boss is fruitier than Orange Crush.” Maht finished with a quiet look at War Machine, who hesitated, glancing at his comrades.  “Which means we need to leave. NOW.”

“…hmm…”

Meanwhile…back on the station…

“Oh, my mess sergeant’s taste buds had been shot off in the war! But his culinary creations keep us coming back for more! To think of all the marvelous ways they’re using plastic nowadays, it makes a fella proud to be a sooooolllddiieeerrr!” Fez cackled as his chest ripped open, enormous railguns blasting away at Jayd and Senior as they took off across the room, barreling down a hallway that lead to the loading dock.

“I don’t suppose getting everyone off this station is an option?”

“And leaving Fez with it? I’m afraid not.”

The two slammed the door behind them shut, Fez’s giggling ringing through the air as Senior wiped his brow. “Luckily for you, it isn’t just the Shadowhog that owes me a favor. Those friends I called?”

“Wait. The Resisty?” Jayd asked, raising an invisible eyebrow up. “Are you so sure about that? Won’t Red and Purple-”

“What they don’t know won’t hurt them.” Senior said with a shrug. “Listen, there’s only ONE shuttle on the  station. It HAS warp capability, I could get it away from the planet when it shatters, but the problem is it can only carry a handful of people. Maybe two or three besides myself, and we can’t just leave those people on the planet or the crew here with that…that FRUITCAKE!”

“The people on the planet are in a bit less danger now, though.” Jayd offered gently, patting Senior on the shoulder and giving his boss a comforting smile. “ I and the other members of the crew hacked into the Magna-Axial device that he’s been using to screw with the planet’s axis, we’ve slowed the process down just like we got into contact with as many competitors as we could back down on the planet to let them know what’s happening. But once Fez gets it back to full power, he’ll do to Irk and any other planet what he’s done to Nahara. Maybe it would be best if…if we all went down with this station.” Jayd murmured softly. “At least that way we’d  keep Fez from transferring himself to anyplace else…and we’d make sure the Magna-Axial Relay could never be used again.”

“I heard that bit about the relay!” Fez’s voice roared out. “And unfortunately for you, it’s right down this hall. So I’m going to take care of that…and then come back for you” he promised. “It ain’t like you can GO anywhere!” He added with a laugh as

“…we might be in real trouble. Senior, say the world. I am willing to end him.” Jayd offered.

“Jayd.” Senior insisted softly, taking the medic’s hand off his shoulder and holding the medic’s hand as he shook his head back and forth. “We always choose life. Even for somebody like Fez. No matter how badly we might beat them up, we are NEVER to kill.”

“Then what do we do?”

“…I need you to stall.”

…

…

…

…“So much to do, so little time.” Fez remarked to himself, tapping into the console that now stuck out of his wrist, looking over the tiny screen as he stood before the orb-shaped, crystalline control orb that powered the Magna Axial relay. “Stage 1, done. Transfer myself into this spiffy new body. Stage 2: ensure the destruction of the planet Nahara and anybody else on this station. Stage 3: Move to the Massive, blow it out of the sky above Irk whilst barreling down hot death onto the planet and have…have s’mores. Yes, s’mores are nice.” He chuckled, turning to the control crystal and passing his hands over it, little sparks of electricity flying off the orb and through the air as he got to work repairing it. “Stage 4…uh…blow up…um…Vort?”

“This is the problem with a synthetic brain. No imagination. It’s all “destroy anything that isn’t you”. How close-minded.” Jayd announced as he stepped into Fez’s view, resting himself against the door frame, black eyes staring deep into Fez’s, a string of ones and zeroes turning a dark, angry red.

“You got NERVE for a nurse!” Fez mumbled darkly.

Jayd waved a clawed hand in the air with a dismissive air. “In fact, I imagine you’re finding it rather hard to keep your thoughts coherent and sane. You’ve been trying to transfer yourself into a synthetic body for a while now, but you WERE originally organic. So your head is being overwhelmed by the experience…isn’t it?”

“…I might need some…time…to properly adjust…” Fez muttered, one eye twitching a bit along with his gloved claws. “I admit, the transfer process gave me headaches…very odd thoughts…everything sometimes becomes BLUE…”

“You can barely form syntax-correct sentence fragments before you start feeling the need to giggle and dress in women’s clothing.” The medic spoke sympathetically.

“…yeah…true.” Fez sighed, hanging his head.

“So why don’t you just take a deep breath…relax…” Jayd cooed out. “Focus on my voice…ONLY my voice…as my friends bust in from warp and kick your behind.”

“…wait, wha-”

KWA-THRUMMMMM!

Fez was blown clear through the air as the Elite 4 raced into the room with the Exemplar Corps, War Machine gasping in surprise along with the others at what they were now seeing, Maht removing the bubble from around them all, looking down at his ring. “That’s it. I can’t do any more, my ring’s all tapped out…”

“We can take it…and HIM from here.” Dite promised, cracking her gauntleted knuckles with a dark growl rising deep in her throats.

“THAT’S Fez?!” War Machine asked.

“Do not hold ANYTHING back!” Jayd yelled out, holding up his fist as green light surrounded him, the other Exemplar Corps members turning their ringed fists on Fez, beams of orange, red, yellow and pink light cascading through the air, striking Fez in his chest and stomach, forcing him back as he cringed and howled in pain. “In brightest day, in blackest night! You’re going off the air, alright? ”

“HA-HA-HA-HA!” Fez cackled, slamming his hands together, a sonic shockwave knocking them all back, save for Maht, who pulled out micro-filament knives from hidden compartments above his boots, shooting through the air and stabbing Fez in the shoulder blades, only to be knocked away as Fez sneered at them. “Oh, come now! This is the best you’ve got? The “Skittles Electric Parade”?!”

“My boss wants us to try and knock Fez through the left-hand wall at a precisely 38 degree angle!” Jayd yelled out as High Note let out a barreling roar, a powerful shockwave slamming Fez through the air, making him growl as he rose back up only for Tidal Titan’s watery fist to grab hold of his head. Fez sneered, his enormous hand cutting through the hand as he burning lasers shot out from each claw tip. “Holy-HE’S GOT FINGER BEAMS!”

“Damn, he IS a true threat!” War Machine hissed out as Fez grabbed hold of Slipstream’s leg before she could turn 2-D, launching her through the air and into Dite, the two of them slamming into the wall with a THUNKA-THUD.

“What about that big honkin’ bullet you had?” Maht yelled out, ducking to avoid a Fez’s eyes as they glowed brightly, a burning flame belching out from his mouth. “GAH! FLAMETHROWER BREATH?!”

“And when I need to take a fax, all I have to do is squat.” Fez chuckled darkly before War Machine held up his rocket-launcher gauntlet. “You’re not gonna SHOOT me, Lorne…”

“C’mon. Say it. Y’know you wanna.” Jayd sniggered.

“The ratings are in, sir! YOU’RE FIRED!” Lorne roared out.

THA-KOOM! The tactical atomic bullet sparking before shooting forth in a solid white stream, striking Fez squarely in the face and knocking him through the wall, right where Senior needed him to be, everyone peeking in through the Fez-shaped hole he’d been blown through.  

Fez’s synthetic body was smoking, ribs cracked out of his body, oil and fluid seeping down from his blown-open chest as the others looked around at each other. “He’s…still ALIVE?” Xeil gasped out, scratching her head, a surprised look flickering across her face as the Elite-4 nervously gulped, Fez glaring darkly in their direction.

“He’s still REGENERATING.” Jayd murmured quietly before they realized just where Fez had been shot onto, turning their heads to the side to see Senior standing by the necessary control console, his face solemn and sad.

“Now you get it. I can’t die. I’m goin’ into SYNDICATION, friends. This body’s built to last. And I’m going to-” Fez began to say as his form began to shift and alter, his wounds patching up before he noticed they were looking to his right. “What’re you-”

He turned to see Senior at the smooth silver control console, the green-eyed communication officer looking mournfully at him as he flicked a switch…the bulk teleportal beneath Fez lighting up.

“I’m sure you recognize the bulk teleportal, Fez. It doesn’t transmit LIVING tissue, but…your body’s synthetic. I’m sorry, Fez. But your freedom threatens the entire galaxy. I’ve chosen a prison called A-113. It’s an asteroid 10 miles in length, millions of miles from here in the Lower Quadrant’s Asteroid Belt. Goodbye.”

Senior pressed the “on” button, and in an instant…Fez was gone, transported away onto a long asteroid, his eyes wide with horror as his synthetic body glanced around the cold recesses of space around him. And he screamed silently…

And endlessly.

On…

And on…

…and on…